Short story

Alone in the dark, she cried quietly wondering when her life had hit rock bottom, and how she did not notice the downward spiral.
Not a stranger to the dark relentless abyss of depression, she wondered how it could of been avoided, and realized it couldn't.

She had invested so much of herself into him, that she lost herself. Always ensuring his happiness, letting him have the money for the things he wanted, while she and the children endured on barely having their needs met.

Already a selfish person, the cancer made Him more so. His needs and wants, his obsessions came first, to keep is focus of his pain, his mortality. When she tried to lean on him for support, he broke and went off on an adventure of his next obsession.

She tried to smile, tried to get on with it, but underneath she knew something was now fundamentally broken. Her trust in him was diminished, her faith that he would always be there for her evaporated.

He noticed and tried too do things differently, tried to start meeting the needs of his family, pushing past his pain and starting a business. Never had he put so much effort into a relationship before and he felt his efforts went unoticed.

She did notice, but had lost all rationality, all she saw was him walking out the door and trying to escape his responsibilities, and leaving her alone trying to raise the children from the dark abyss.

Their relationship became a cycle of pain and anger, unable to resolve their differences as they were so far apart. The only thing that remained was the knowledge that they loved each other, and their compatibility in bed. But was it enough to hold the relationship together? At least until she could start to find some way to heal?

After another night of relentless fighting, there was finally a sense of some resolution. Some understanding of where the other was coming from, a hope that just maybe they could work through the chasm that had developed between them, if she could let go.......

Let go of the ideals, her fundamental belief, although unrealistic, belief in how her relationship should be, and accept it for what it was, except that he was giving her he was capable of.

Time for growth

With time, comes change, and with change comes growth.

Have you ever found yourself lost? Not physically but emotionally. So caught up in your roles that you forget who YOU are?
Well that's were this Mum of five has found herself. The honeymoon period of my marriage has been over for quite a long time and I haven't been willing to admit it. Thinking that we could re- capture that bond, that feeling of us against the world.....
There really is no point fighting change, it just leaves you unhappy and mourning how things used to be.

So now I begin my journey, focusing first on recapturing my essence and ofcourse on my five monsters. Everything else, including my business must come second, til I feel whole again.