I have been a bit quiet as I had a set back, a complete break down to be completely honest. I did the unthinkable for me, and slapped my husband across the face. I went into shock straight afterwards at the strength of my own anger. Thankfully my husband forgave me and although things are strained between us. We are trying to work things out.
Violence is not ever acceptable and the shame I feel is very deep.
So I have organized counseling (had my first session over the phone the next morning) and seen my doctor for some medicinal treatment as well.
Today is day six on meds, and the first day that I don't feel like a complete zombie. I have been sleeping a heap, but am still feeling really tired. I had a massive cry last night when hubby went out for the third night in a row. I know he is just chatting and drinking coffee with his friend, but I hate it. I want adult interaction, it's me who carries the whole load with the kids and never gets a reprieve.
There is a very immature part of me that wants to pay him back, by doing the same thing to him, but you need to know people to do that. And then a more logical part of me says, why is the immature it's just taking care of your own mental health and needs like he is. It would be interesting to see how he would react if the shoe was on the other foot.
In happier news I have officially been a mum for 13 years today, but I will do a separate post for that xx
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